Adapting to this season

I have found that from time to time couples can get so focussed on planning their special day that they forget that there still needs to be a marriage relationship after the actual ceremony.

A friend of mine bought an expensive shirt on credit at a popular retailer. He was so chuffed about this piece of clothing that he wore it quite few times in the first week after buying it. Unfortunately he did not read the washing instructions on the shirt and after the first wash he realised that it was ruined. I remember him commenting that he now has to pay off a shirt for the next 6-12 months while the shirt is ruined and can not be worn…

As with my friend there was once a couple who came to see me in order to have a conversation about their relationship. They had been married for almost five years and were considering splitting up as they both felt that the pressure of their lives was forcing them apart.

In the conversation it emerged that they were still paying off wedding-day dept (from almost five years ago) and that their financial woes had only increased over time. This picture of a couple starting their lives together with great excitement only to feel that they can not make it work soon thereafter has stayed with me over the years. Imagine splitting up while still paying off the wedding-day dept?

The conversations revealed that they had been so focused on getting married (the wedding day) and that they had not applied their focus on their actual relationship. Having the perfect day, followed by the perfect honeymoon and then returning to the perfect house with the perfect furniture and going to work in the perfect car had caught up with them. Their instagram accounts looked good but their hearts were heavy with the stress and anxiety that financial woes can bring.

It was a tough journey for them and they had to learn to trust each other again, to see each other again and to enjoy each other again. They did that and they got it right in the end.

Why do I tell this story? Because there are many couples out there who are struggling with this. Planning a wedding day is a beautiful thing, but the beauty is actually in the marriage relationship because that is the thing that you carry with you.

So here is my advice, stay within your means, understand that we live in weird times (our shared covid reality) and adapt. Rather build together and appreciate every step that you take and every blessing that comes your way in this process. I have noticed that couples revert to smaller more intimate ceremonies and local honeymoons while they rather invest in their homes and build together. I believe that those who adapt are probably those who stand a better chance of being and remaining happy together.