Planning in a time of pandemic

A lot of weddings are either postponed or on hold - Here are some things to consider when planning in the middle of all of the uncertainty

The current lockdown in South Africa has tapped into some of our biggest fears as a society and nothing is left unaffected as even the way we manage our relationships has changed drastically. In the last few weeks many of the couples that I work with have had to either get married in a rush in order to beat the lockdown or postpone their wedding. Venues, suppliers and couples have lost money and are unable to commit to times and dates. It really is uncertain at the moment and I hope that these practical tips can help you to at least move forward in the middle of it all.

We discuss the wedding date & venue, budgeting and spending as well as the guest list and an invitation to grow in your relationship.

The Wedding Date & Venue

The wedding date is one of the first things that people settle on when they plan. Some people wait to see which dates are available at their chosen venue before they settle on a date, others set the date first.

My advice is to make contact with your chosen venue as soon as possible. Most of them are still working online, taking bookings and answering questions.

You might however find that they are inundated with requests for the second half of 2020 up until 2022. Given the circumstances most of them will be open to negotiate as they do not want to lose your business.

My tip for the date and venue is - Consider having a mid-week/Sunday wedding. These are usually a fraction of the cost and smaller in numbers as well. The smaller groups will be welcomed as although the lockdown will be over at some point in time we might still face restrictions on amounts of people at public gatherings for a while.

Reconsider your budget & spending

Most couples start off with a ballpark idea of what they can afford. Then when the quotes and options come in they readjust their expenses to their financial realities. Some get help from their families, some take out loans others save.

My tip for the budget and spending - Cut your budget and put something away so that you have a buffer for your real life after the wedding. I can not stress this enough as most couples that I counsel after marriage have a financial struggle going on in the background and worrying about money places huge strain on a relationship. Where would I put a way money? In my debt! Start your marriage as debt free as possible, this will place you in a very good position going forward as a lot of couples forget that they have a life to live after the wedding.

How do I decide what to cut? Start by distinguishing between what is negotiable and what is un-negotiable.

For instance:

• Looking good - can I rent a dress instead of buying?

• Photos - How can I keep the precious memories without paying an arm and a leg?

• Honeymoon - Can we honeymoon on South Africa and save up for an international trip later?

• Do I need a wedding planner or can I do it myself?

Take all the elements and decide what you do not want to live without and how you would be able to compromise on them.

The Guest list

Accept the fact that you might not be able to have a big wedding. As discussed above, although we know that the lockdown will come to an end sooner or later we do not know when social distancing will come to an end. Keep in mind that your elderly/ sick guests might be at a higher risk.

My tip for the guest list - Keep it small. Have smaller celebrations with your uninvited friends and family afterwards. These celebrations do not need to be extravagant or costly and most guest probably wouldn’t mind paying for themselves if for instance you were to host it at a restaurant of your choosing.

Keep working on your relationship

Marriage is the ultimate relationship and because we are always growing there is the possibility that we might grow apart. These are stressful times and anxiety, fear, separation in lockdown, or even being overexposed to each other in a confined space can take its toll on a relationship so start investing in it now.

My tip for relationships - Don’t wait for cracks to appear, start investing now. A great way to do this is through online courses or coaching. This isn’t therapy, it’s coaching. Coaches give tools to people so that they can do the work for themselves, coaches are a mirror and help people to see the areas where they can work on for themselves. The best athletes need coaches in a similar way even the best marriages need coaches.

If you would like to connect with me with regards to your marriage ceremony or relationship coaching please feel free to email me at admin@thatmarriageofficer.co.za or send a form via www.thatmarriageofficer.co.za

All the best with your planning, may we all come out on the other side soon!

Email: admin@thatmarriageofficer

Whatsapp: 065 508 4146