Relationships and seeking help

At the beginning of the isolation announcements many families celebrated the fact that they would have the opportunity to spend more quality time together. We tend to be so focused on our own little worlds that we often become strangers to the people that we share our homes with and one positive thing that has emerged from this “quality time” has been that many people have rediscovered each other in the process.

As time went by the isolation period was extended and we now see (with the gradual easing of restrictions) that new attitudes are emerging towards relationships and the people we share our space with. For some, things have gotten better but for others financial pressure, having nothing more to say to each other, boredom and even personal secrets such as affairs emerging from living in a space where we can not hide from each other has added much strain to relationship dynamics, not to mention the sad reality of people who are trapped in emotionally and/or physically abusive relationships and can not get out of the house.

Some might have been surprised by how their partner has responded to our mutual situation seeing that none of us have been In this predicament before. The reality is that although the time of isolation has caused new problems in relationships it has also highlighted marital issues that were there before and for some it feels even worse because there is no escaping each other or the problems when people have to remain in the same space constantly. The confined space is not the issue but rather highlights the issues and acts as a truth agent. It’s not that couples don’t love each other anymore it’s just that they drive each other crazy and there is no breathing room.

If these issues resonate with you then it might be a good time to seek help. But when do you know that it is time? Below are a few pointers.

How to know that you need to seek help for your relationship

Lack of communication

Lack of communication does not imply silence as we can talk to each other the whole day without truly communicating about the things that matter. Lack of communication can also mean avoiding certain issues because of fear, distrust or fighting.

Loss of respect

Losing respect for each other can manifest itself in an attitude of contempt that develops over time. When we treat each other with contempt that means that we have stopped valuing each other, this could also mean that we stop respecting each other’s emotional world or that support for the other person is withdrawn.

There may or may not have been events that led to a state of disrespect between two people (these are usually the root causes) but the loss of respect in itself causes more baggage to develop along the way.

Arguments stay unresolved

It is quite natural to have a few sticky points in any relationship where people learn to compromise with each other, they learn to reframe certain things or at the very least find a strategy to overlook them. What do you do though when you know what is wrong but you don’t know how to fix it? This is where a counselor can point you in the right direction to use your emotional energy wisely. It gets complicated and there are usually no quick fix solutions.

Leaving has become an option

This happens when what you have and what you want doesn’t match up. People often wonder about what could have been… Be it a different partner or a different career choice if we ignore these desires for too long they tend to sneak up on us at crucial stages of our lives, that’s usually when things end abruptly and without any warning, however the signs were there for a while. It is wise to consult someone when this becomes your reality because as human beings we can easily get caught up in the muddiness of emotions.

Unfaithfulness

The tricky part of helping couples where unfaithfulness has occurred in a relationship is to get both people on the same page. Unfaithfulness does not happen in a vacuum, there are usually other factors at play that would have been unattended in the relationship or perhaps in the individual that has crossed the line. I have seen however that when both parties want to make things work that it is certainly possible for a relationship to not only renew itself but also to redefine itself.

The truth is that relationships are tough to navigate under normal circumstances but add the current stressors and challenges facing us and it might just be time to reach out to someone. It is an investment into the most important part of your life, your committed relationship.

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